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User talk:Jenniferific
ChristianWallis (talk) 09:17, June 1, 2017 (UTC) Story deletion Your story has been deleted because it doesn't meet the wiki's quality standards. If you feel that it did meet the standards, please state your case on Deletion Appeal. Make sure you follow the instructions to the letter there, or your appeal will be automatically denied. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO REUPLOAD YOUR PASTA. If you upload it again, you'll receive a 1-day ban from editing, as per the rules. Read the Deletion FAQ and our Style Guide for Writing for details on the 'what' and 'why' of the deletions we make. Read this guide and these blog posts for further details on how you can improve your story/stories to make them meet our quality standards. For additional help, submit your story to the Writer's Workshop for feedback. :I'll be honest, this was quite mediocre. But I see potential in you and I would like to see you improve. This is a quick review. You can follow the instructions above on how to get this story on the wiki. If you fix the things I point out below, this story can go back up. :First of all, I want to say that the story was unpredictable and kept me wondering. That is very difficult to pull off, so congrats on that. :Also, the ending is not good either. It felt very rushed. "the doctors told me this is gonna kill me". So the dude is going to just die, but not die outright? This is very anti-climactic. It would be OK if the guy had died when he was foaming (although then you would be left with a ghost-narrator, since you wrote this in first person), hadn't died at all or died later but the story continued until his very near death. You did none of this. You just rushed in an ending because you didn't know how to avoid the ghost narrator. :Apart from that, it was riddled with grammar mistakes. A lot of times you were missing an apostrophe, you had some grammar issues and awkward flow, like this one: "the storefront seemed just fine, well that was until I noticed". There shouldn't be a comma there. What you needed is a period, to separate the two full sentences. A lot of these would have been solved if you had properly proof-read your story. Below you can find the mistakes I noticed: :--- :"I did manage to spooky myself" - It's 'spook' not 'spooky'. :"Thats when I saw the dogs head" - You are missing apostrophes in 'thats' and 'dogs'. :Also, the above sentence is a run-on. Look how long it is: "Thats when I saw the dogs head poking through the door, its eyes reflected the moonlight at me making them look like they were glowing, the rest of its head shrouded in shadow but I could make tell by the shape that it was most likely a german shepard." :You have three full sentences strung together by commas. This generally is bad, since longer sentences are harder to read. You should break it up. You should replace the first comma with a period, the second comma with an 'and'. Finally you should add a comma before 'but I could'. With this changes the sequence reads much more nicely. By the way, it is not 'could make tell', just 'could tell'. :"place to be as the rains a little while ago and that had caused" - This sentence is problematic. It probably should have been 'it had rained' instead of 'the rains'. Alternatively, you can remove the 'and that' to make it work. :"I was repeating "Please don't break." in my head repeatedly" - That is a lot of repetition there. You should remove the last 'repeatedly'. :--- :All in all, you have great potential (and this is why I'm so harsh) but this just fell short. With practise you can become very good. Keep it up.